This must be the most hilariously incompetent attempted robbery of all time

Not that Ive given it any thought, but if I were planning a robbery, I would:

a. Rob somewhere in an area I didnt live in, and

b. Not choose a business in which staff and customers may have known me all my life.

These two fundamental mistakes led to the most incompetent attempt to commit armed robbery, followed by the most absurd staged alibi weve ever heard of. The court report details the whole farce – with quotes straight from the sitcom we didnt realise we needed.

Here is Independent.ies astonishing account.

It started off with a quite terrifying event, which must have been awful for those present.

The court heard that Halpin entered the beauty salon Urban Dolls in Corduff Shopping Centre while wearing latex gloves and armed with a kitchen knife. He grabbed the owner Sarah White by the neck and put a knife to her back before walking her towards the till.

It then descended into the surreal.

Halpin was wearing a scarf over his face but a customer, Emma Kelly, recognised him. She lived in the area and had known Halpin all her life.

Halpin ordered Ms White to open the till but Ms Kelly closed it and said “What the fuck are you at Gerard?” She told Ms White not to give him any money but Halpin raised the knife above his head and said “back off Emma.”

Ms Kelly then picked up a Yankee candle from a display case and smashed it over Halpins head.

Even his escape was in the realms of the absurd.

Halpin fled with Ms Kelly close behind shouting his name. She followed him as he cycled to his fathers home a few hundred yards from the salon.

Ms Kelly saw Halpin in the bedroom window changing his clothes. She knocked on the door and Halpin answered. He was sweating, breathing heavily and had changed his clothes. He claimed he had just been in the kitchen having a cup of tea.

Journalist Darren Cleary shared a screenshot of the court report on Twitter.

Man tries to rob a beauty salon in Dublin, woman in the shop recognises him and what follows is the greatest court report ever written

— Darren Cleary (@RadioCleary) September 29, 2018

The replies added to the comedic potential.

She knocked some scents into him.

— easyleonard (@easyleonard) September 30, 2018

Brought a knife to a candle fight? Could never be my favorite career criminal

— Imoh Umoren (@ImohUmoren) September 30, 2018

The reporter who had written the account, Conor Gallagher, felt that it wasnt the best court report hed ever seen, and shared his preferred contender.

Id forgot about this. Thank you. But I respectfully suggest this is the best court report

— Conor Gallagher (@ConorGallaghe_r) September 29, 2018

Lets hope he decided to come clean.

H/T Darren Cleary

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The Poke
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